Destined to Fail

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

You hear the jokes about spam email every day. Double-glaze your manhood. Gain longer Nigerian Prince.

And the worst are about psychic readings. Writes itself really.

I’ll let you into a secret. Psychics invented spam.

Think about it: it’s illegal in the UK and many other countries to sell genuine mediumship or other magical powers unless you can prove it works (at which point you might as well drive yourself to the nearest government blacksite).

Think about it: communication with a one-in-ten-million success rate. Who’s going to look for the real thing in there if they aren’t destined to look?

Oranges to Applications

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

What was it like during the Transition?

When the Sorn told us we belonged to their Empire, we fought back.

Throw that orange at the wall as hard as you can.

Imagine the wall’s a Sorn Integrator and the orange is our best weapon.

Now imagine the wall sucks up that mess and spits out a clean power source while explaining our customs can be maintained.

The Sorn gave each nation 3 months to surrender. Most did.

Don’t know if America intended to defy them; but turned out the Sorn didn’t understand localisation so the US disappeared on day 37.

Game of Bones

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

“Preston Williams, your life is spent.”

That’s one realistic mask. Obviously, some new road safety campaign. “That’s not cool! Last thing I need is like a heart attack.”

Bony as fuck. Let’s see how committed they are. “If you’re Death, then you’ve got to let me play a game. Not chess. We’ll play Hide and Seek. You hide. If I find you, I win.”

“On one condition. My scythe is obvious enough you would find me easily; yet it cannot be left unattended.”

I take it and close my eyes.

When I open them, I know my duty.

No More Shadows

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

A thousand feet scurry past.

Have you ever paused to appreciated a foggy night? The gentle caress of nothing across your skin?

Or smiled as the rain washed away the scurrying?

Can you imagine what it’s like to hear every heartbeat, see every pulse, in a world where everyone shouts and waves each moment to the heavens?

In my prime, I lurked in the shadows. Servants brought me swooning maidens. But there are no shadows left. And even swooning is done loudly.

Do you understand why I flee the sun?

The children of the day, what dreadful cacophony they make.

The Answer to Every Investigator’s Worst Nightmare

Do you find yourself needing to display the power and majesty of the Empire, without causing the more delicate members of your expedition to swoon at the sight of your power and majesty? I might have the solution.

Sketch of a nightshirt next to a humorous advertisement for protective nightwear

I know I’ll be happier during an attack by chthonic entities knowing I don’t have to choose between taking the time to dress and having my valet shave me. And, as one of the first ten purchasers, the tailor added Tillighastification at no extra charge; so I’ll be equally protected against non-corporeal entities.

Dragons & Magic Cover Reveal

Simon and I made a conscious decision not to have a drawn-out series of pre-release happenings for our latest joint project. However, the first two volumes of Dragons & Magic are back from the beta-readers, the proofs have been approved, and two quarts of green ink have been sacrificed to Dar’Mit, God of Finding a Typo After You Submit. So, I now reveal to you the covers:

DragonsAndMagicPresentation_1

A Kind of Hush

A charming Russian gentleman who apparently has a consignment of Nikon EOS 80D cameras available at bargain prices on his website*, left a comment on one of my posts saying the audio quality on this website might be the best he’d ever encountered.

As a lover of silence myself, I’m glad my efforts brought some joy.

*I won’t embarrass him by sharing a link.