Mock Trial

There are two sorts of people in the world: people who are not involved in a legal proceedings, who think that the law is somewhat ridiculous; and people who are involved in legal proceedings, who think that the law is of the utmost seriousness. However, it can’t be denied that there are sometimes cases that tickle my fancy; although not always for the reasons they please most.


Fear of the Spork

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

“My theory? These are what kept humans from dying out like the Torgal.” Ambassador Zarlec pointed a spindly finger at a cabinet.


“Not just spoons. Horn spoons. Wooden spoons.”


The ambassador’s eyes flickered grey with embarrassment. “If you focus the emitter from a portable scanner just right, you can make metal twist. When you’re young… you know how trends happen… cutlery bending just took off.”

“That was your people playing a prank?”

“The Torgal discovered metal early. Their brains were still evolving; I think they became too terrified of cutlery to eat.”

You Probably Die Twice

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

Basildon Watt glanced down. Brass jaws snapped shut inches below as the clockwork alligators strained for his feet. Maybe not the best day to show off his new hand-stitched brogues after all.

Not that he’d notice their demise. The scrolling laser would reach him well before one of the mechanical lizards got around to standing on it’s fellows.

“The orbital mining was obviously for the engagement ring, Don Pagliacci. But, why kidnap the world’s leading experts on Mustelidae?”

Pagliacci waved his cigar dramatically. “Isn’t it obvious, Mr Watt? I’m going to make the world an otter it can’t defuse!”

Time Server

100 Words of Speculation written over a background of fountain pen and printed text

Sentence 99%. Approximately 13 minutes remaining.

A few more wrinkles and a lot less hair, but I’m almost free.

Liberals say the timers are inhumane. I like it though: last thing at night and first thing in the morning I see how long I’ve got.

And if you fuck up, seeing it go up drives it home the way them saying they’ve added two years doesn’t. So, you stop fucking up.

Approximately 9 minutes remaining.

Almost close enough to count on my fingers.

Sentence 90%. Approximately 182 days 13 hours remaining.

What the…! Why are MacroFirm even running prisons anyway?

The Answer to Every Investigator’s Worst Nightmare

Do you find yourself needing to display the power and majesty of the Empire, without causing the more delicate members of your expedition to swoon at the sight of your power and majesty? I might have the solution.


I know I’ll be happier during an attack by chthonic entities knowing I don’t have to choose between taking the time to dress and having my valet shave me. And, as one of the first ten purchasers, the tailor added Tillighastification at no extra charge; so I’ll be equally protected against non-corporeal entities.