Clawing Back Sanity

The home and garden centre around the corner has one stand of Halloween decorations but half a floor of Christmas paraphernalia. The carols have started. The online retailers have started their reminders to shop early.

With only the Conservative Party Conference remaining true to the mix of horror and hearkening back to a mythical past that should mark October, it is time we take a stand.

There is only one solution:

But not for the reasons Jack did; instead, for the metaphysical concept he embodies. Once we control Santa Claus, we control the division of good from bad. A few simple surgeries to connect him permanently to a Tillinghast Oscillator and we can create a filter; not to sort hot from cold like Maxwell’s Demon, but right from wrong. A technological solution to the smuggling of Christmas into other months. No more will we risk the social division that comes from some areas having different standards on holiday retail.

Some naysayers may claim this is unworkable, that both Santa Claus and Tillinghast Oscillators are merely theoretical at the moment. But their plan of partial alignment, of allowing some overlap between the seasons is a betrayal of our great nation. A chequered solution is rank absurdity.

And if we can’t agree, then I say we simply stop celebrating. They have more to lose from No Yule than we do.

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