The Cult of Boy Bands

As a long time reader of Lovecraftian fiction, I have always believed I was aware of the threat of lurking cults. However, I might have failed to adequately prepare myself against those hiding in plain sight: boy bands.

Colgate have released a One Direction range. While I am not a fan, the mere fact something is a celebrity product does not make it automatically flawed. So, being a fair-minded person, I accepted a free sample of One Direction Toothpaste.

Unfortunately for my previously sorcery-free oral-hygiene regime, the product does exactly what it says on the packaging: moves in one direction only.

One Direction Toothpaste
The Arrow of Toothpaste
(©Dave Higgins – CC BY NC SA)

While it might be better English to call it Single Direction Toothpaste, this rhetorical critique has little real effect; maybe due to the strength of the magic; maybe because rhetoric is very hard when you have a toothbrush trapped in your mouth.

Despite much research, I have not found a counter-spell.

However, I have uncovered evidence the cult may have started with popular nineties beat-combo The Back Street Boys.

Clearly an attempt to convince people the evidence they are the objects of powerful magic is only a dream.

A second attempt to make the occult battle in our midst appear to be a wish-fulfilment fantasy.

With hindsight, the crowds of screaming followers and immense wealth should have been a dead give away.

I can feel the bristles beginning to wriggle.

It is too late for me…

Ia M’Kl’n! Hw’i D’rhw! N’gah Ktah! Kfhah’n R’cthudhn! Bhragn L’trwl!


Share Your Thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.