Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

There is a superstition that broken mirrors bring bad luck. However, today one brought me not a curse but a relief.

While in the supermarket this morning I had cause to use their conveniences. Shortly after entering I noticed that the mirror above the handbasins had an out-of-order sticker on it.

I awoke this morning feeling groggy, with a slightly inflamed patch of skin next to my artery. Walking in the sun I felt even more groggy. So my lack of reflection had raised certain concerns. Discovering the mirror was out-of-order came as a relief.

Not that I have any fundamental objection to vampires, or to being one myself. I just feel it would cause more issues than it solved.

Vampire Mirror
Even vampires take selfies now
zenCC BY NC SA 2.0)
  • Super strength/stamina/&c. This might become useful for moving house; however, there are only so many times I might want to save the cost of a removals van by carrying a wardrobe to a new property. I could seek opportunities to fight crime, but have concerns about being a superhero.
  • Super speed/Flight/&c. The dead travel fast, which might be useful occasionally. However I do some of my best thinking while walking so travelling very quickly would cut into thinking time and reduce my exposure to interesting fragments of life, a double strike to my creativity.
  • Groupies I am happily married so being an object of affection for a person straitjacketed by society and history, whether in traditional heaving silk or modern skinny jeans, would be, at best, an irritation.

Even if I were to become the fusion of only the best of all possible myths, a vampire who had no more issue with sunlight or sanctity than a human, who could enjoy all the pleasures of the human senses (especially food, if I am immortal I am going to want to try every dish), who did not need to feed to death or even on humans, then I am still faced with the issue that in a happy life even the most obscure vampire powers are of little daily use. The vampire is an interesting myth in its many variations, but all of them include a great adversary which, intended or not, give a reason to use the powers; being prone to neither megalomania nor overindulgent feelings of guilt, I lack the character to find opposition in either society or church.

Of course if I were a vampire I could have my own soundtrack.

So, the vampire is actually the occult equivalent of a tile spacer with built-in MP3 player, occasionally useful in daily life but higher maintenance than a cheaper equivalent.

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